A Consultant's Adoption Story
Everyone has a story and my personal adoption story is what led me to become an adoption consultant. My husband and I have been married for almost 13 years, 9 when we began our adoption journey. Like most other couples, we assumed that children would be in our future. However, if you had asked me all of those years ago how we would build our family, I don’t think the following story would have been part of my answer. I remember leaving the doctor’s office in December and was having a difficult time processing the word that he had said: “infertility.” I deal through emotions differently than most. I didn’t want to talk about it and at the time I didn’t like hearing “there is a reason for everything” (even though now I definitely agree). I isolated myself until I was ready to explore other options because I was not giving up on becoming a mother – I couldn’t.
I knew in my heart that adoption was the path that we were supposed to take, but when I read several heartbreaking stories and saw that the average wait time was 1-2 years, I thought there was no way I could ever adopt quickly (and certainly not more than once). I could not have been more wrong! After talking to my support system of family and friends, I was completely committed to an adoption plan. When I am determined to accomplish something, I want it done and right then. That determination is what allowed me to quickly complete a home study and a profile book. Don’t misunderstand, of course the process was frustrating for me as well! Patience is not my strength and I was probably not the most happy, bubbly person during this time. Over the course of a few months, my husband and I had submitted for a few different situations without success. On a day that I will never forget, we were told, yet again, that friends were expecting a baby and I was devastated (they already had 3)! I went to bed completely heartbroken and was intent on staying there until my husband told me to come into the living room. I was adamantly refusing but finally caved. There he sat smiling, reading an email stating that a birth mother had chosen us and we would soon have a son! We were picked less than 3 months after completing all requirements and starting this process. The next 4 months were truly a roller coaster. I like to have control and unfortunately, I had none. I had to trust the agency assisting us and, more importantly, trust my faith that led us down this path in the first place. During these 4 months, it seemed like time stood still. But looking back on it now, it went quickly. As luck would have it, our precious son arrived early (I guess he knew that I couldn’t wait any longer to finally meet him). Consents were signed quickly and I had the most precious baby that I had dreamed about for years.
My husband and I loved being parents, and after successfully (and quickly) completing this process once, we were ready to try again 2 years later without fear and hesitation. I contacted my consultant, who is now my business partner, and told her we were ready again. This time I was a little less anxious because I knew that adoption was totally possible. We updated our home study and profile book to include our son in April. On July 1st, we were elated to learn that we had been chosen for a baby due in September. We were unsure if we were expecting a boy or a girl, but we really didn’t care either way. Okay, secretly I wanted a girl so we would have one of each. This second journey was different than our first though, and I was hesitant about what would happen when the baby arrived because I felt like we were getting mixed signals from the birth family. Even though the first experience was a roller coaster, at least I was familiar with that ride. This too was a trip, but I guess you could say a roller coaster at a completely different park, nothing familiar or similar, but again I had to trust the attorney and my faith. At the end of July, my husband called, trying to appear calm, but I knew something was up. He told me that the attorney had called. Immediately my heart sank because the baby wasn’t due for 2 more months. I thought she had changed her mind, but instead my baby girl (yay!) had arrived super early. We frantically packed and were out on the first available flight. She was tiny but absolutely perfect! We were immediately in love and anxiously awaited the revocation period to end. At the hospital, we met a few members of the birth family, but not the birth mother. Again, since I didn’t experience this during the first adoption, I was uncertain how to process this. Was this a good sign or bad? Minutes before the attorneys arrived with paperwork to begin the termination process, a nurse came into the room and said, “the mother wants the baby.” I was devastated and could do nothing but give the nurse the baby that we had cared for and loved for days now. My husband remained calm, but that was something I was struggling to do. What seemed like forever was actually only about 10 minutes and then there was a knock at the door. My husband opened it as I tried to compose myself. It was our daughter’s birth parents, and the birth mom was carrying her. She said that that the baby started to get fussy and she realized that she just wanted her mom and she handed her back to me. I can’t begin to describe the relief that filled my heart. We talked with them for a while and when they were ready to leave I told her birth mother, “that I wished that I could describe exactly how I was feeling, but I just couldn’t.” She replied, “that’s okay because I can see it!”
Now that our precious family is complete, my heart is complete. We have the most precious family that for a while I thought might be only be a dream. Looking back, I am so glad that I did not allow my fears of the unknown and the worries of impossibility stop me and my husband from growing our family through adoption. My advice: don’t give up on what your heart is telling you to do. Instead put the worries and what if’s aside because this is a journey that you will never regret!